Monday, 27 September 2010

UN prepares for 'first contact' with alien life

I thought that this was quite funny. First off, we know that aliens only communicate with, and abduct, rednecks (I have no idea why this is, and motivation is one thing I've given up enquiring after). However, let's assume that those skinny, little, grey men with the almond eyes deign to talk to an officially-designated person...

UN prepares for 'first contact' with alien life

What could possibly be the civilized approach to greeting a life form so sophisticated that it's worked out how to travel at FLS? "Shoot," perhaps? That seems to be the civilized approach to every other problem, so why not this one? And, then, "we" could steal their technology, and make ourselves even more dangerous than we already are.

I think it's better that human beings never leave this planet, to be honest.

7 comments:

Stephany said...

LOL LOL Office for outer space affairs, I want that desk job!

Stan said...

Secret Statement Declassified from unnamed alien:

"After exchanging dialogue with the UN outer space affairs office, I found the humane race to be a futile proposition and have cut all further ties until the "New Kids on the Block" are reunited and make another Grammy award winning album"

Though many believe Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been speaking in an alien dialect before the UN General Assembly, sources close to the unnamed alien contact have denied any associate with him what so ever.

Radagast said...

Stephany: Yeah, talk about cushy numbers - how much is that going to pay for doing fuck all?

Mr Cavers: We have been watching you for some time, and you appear to be leading two lives. First, that of a mild-mannered mental health activist, which while it ruffles certain feathers, is of no interest to us. Second, that of a multi-lingual space traveller.

The first of these has a future. The second does not. Now, we know that you have been contacted by the unnamed alien, who is widely regarded as a danger to everything that we believe in. You will provide us with all information pertinent to this individual, and you will then go back to your life as an activist. What is your choice, Mr Cavers?

Stan said...

I decided it's time for "CHANGE" and to blow this cheap cover off the psycho map, so right after organizing an intergalactic revolution, I plan to pull out the big departicularizer guns and give humanity exactly what they deserve....Can you say "Hasta la vista, baby"

Radagast said...

Stan: Well, that's certainly one option! I think if I was a peace-loving, galactic traveller, I think I'd be inclined to regard humanity as altogether too cretinouis to bother trying to communicate with. Come to think of it, I think the very fact that they'd decided only one person could speak to me would start ringing the alarm bells - the consequences of confining communication in this way would probably be anathema, to me.

Stephany said...

"mild-mannered mental health activist"

Mild? lol

Radagast said...

Stephany: I dunno, if you're interested in the activities of space travellers, then any kind of activism is likely to look mild-mannered!